.life.

I'm going to have to admit that I am just doing what most teenagers are doing. I don't blame anyone for this but myself because I got so caught up in trying everything at this age. Everything is always very tempting and I'll always end up hurting people and myself. There will be times where I'll just lock myself in my room and talk to myself, which I do a lot and asked myself why. Why am I like this? I realized I wasn't the way I am now, before. I changed, a lot after exactly 8 months ago and I am really doing things based on my emotions. I'm to blame in this case. Because I know myself. I get so tempted and I tend to get so carried away with things. I tend to not care and repeat it again. There are times where I'll just be at home like a normal teenager. I realized that I am a girl and I shouldn't be doing all these things but I can't control myself sometimes. I hate myself for that. There also will be times where I will regret everything for just in a short period of time then do it again. I feel sorry for myself sometimes. I hate the fact that I will hurt other people by following my heart. But when bad things happened, I'll just hang strong and be patience with what people have to say. I am kinda immune to the fact that I got mad at a lot. At times I do feel embarrassed but I will always get back on my feet and try to start over. I will talk to God and will ask why am I like this. Why can't I just be like, normal. You know? I know what kind of girl I am, and I also know I'm not like that. I was never like that. I hate the fact that my heart is so broken and I will start doing things based on my emotions. I will always feel as if my life is going to end at that moment. But I also know that there are better things out there and that I can do better than this. Fidelia, you are better than this. I am a rebel and I'm trying to go to a better path from now on. I never knew my life and me would be this way. I am better than this and I know it because I know so and I believe in myself and the fact that people around me are mad is because they care and they love me. I, on the other side can't seem to just take a minute and think back at the things I took for granted. There are for my own good but I ignore them. The advices and everything. All i care about is myself. From now on, I am going to be strong and start over. I have faith. I need all the supports that I need and I need strength and no matter what it takes I am going to try to change myself for my own good and also the fact that I am still young and I still have long way to go. I am a broken girl, broken hearted and just a mess. I need to love myself more and don't take others who cares for granted. 

.and then she said this.

"This is the thing. Everything that makes you sad is an illusion. You are the reason why you can't get over him because a part of you will let him back into your life. You need to convince yourself that you do not want him back. Whatever it takes you need to fight it all. And I know, from how you've been since I knew you, I know how fucked it can feel to lose him. But you're strong. Yknow that? Is it worth the hurt? I doubt it. He was great, I agree. But what keeps you around if he has moved on?"

Words from my best mate. 

Yours Truly ♥